This is NOT Okay

Sometimes we ponder a simple question… What if?

“what if I got it right the first time?”

“what if so and so didn’t move?”

“what if I got back together with this person?”

Exes. The people that broke our hearts, or we broke theirs. The people that we seek to get over but often find it is sooner said then done.

Everybody has at least one. Some more memorable then others. Some exes we still see every now and again, some we vow to never contact again. But all the same who are we kidding? We know they cross our minds more then some of us would like.

But as someone once said “they are our exes for a reason”. Some reasons far more hurtful then others like they cheated, or you cheated. Some reasons are because they moved away, or things we not working out. Sometimes things feel unfinished, and we are left to wonder “What If”.

and then there is the question … Why cant I just get over you?!

Ahh exes the people who we knew so well and the people (in some cases) we barely knew at all. Were they the one that got away? And is there such a thing as a second chance? These are the things that go through my head, right before I remember why we broke up and then I get angry.

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don’t want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they’re amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who’s brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

Male Perspective:
Hi. Since we go by initials here on this piece of internet real estate, I am E. Big E. It is not some phallic meaning; I am literally big, and huge. There is no way to combat the dating stories on “How Is This Appropriate?” with logic, but for my first article I can explain the mentality behind it…. In addition, maybe the women who read this can see where we come from.

First a little about me, when it comes to dating I am not great at it, but I am not terrible. On a scale of 1 to 10 in looks, I am a five or six. I am not Steve Buscemi, but I am no Brad Pitt either. It also helps to know that even if one of the readers were to think I personally am drop dead gorgeous, another reader will think I’m hideous, and women should know…. you do this to every man.
I like this blog; I asked to write on it for a very specific reason. I do not understand women, and will never ever claim to, but women do not understand men and usually claim to. We do have two different minds, they work completely different; Men’s brains are larger and heavier, so when men say they have a bigger brain its true, but the real test of intelligence is how many folds are in the brain, and women have us beat.

So enough about me, the writer; now to the meat and potatoes: My male responses to a situation presented:
“So He Whipped It Out”
So about a month ago a friend of mine was pushed into going on a date with this guy she knew by his mutual friends. The guy was named Dan, and he was not her type, her type is the tall, dark, and handsome guy with a few tattoos, haha, (actually that’s kinda my type too). Dan was the clean cut, awkward, loud, and kinda dull.
First, you should not date outside what you find attractive, why would you? All of your instincts go against it. If you are my type, I will ask you out, you say yes or no and that interaction is over. If you say yes, somewhere in your mind it seems that you are attracted to us in the same way as we are attracted to you.
Finally, she said the food arrived. She ordered grilled Salmon, and he ordered fajitas. (NOTE: her biggest peeve is messy eaters)…This guy was wearing more food then he seemed to be getting into his mouth

Ok, pet peeves aside, this should not be a complaint. Welcome to the “Accept me for me” mentality. I will not dress up on dates (depending on where we are going, obviously) If we are going to Applebee’s or the movies, why do I need to look nice? Do I have to impress you? In a way yes, but when you see me in my normal life, I can’t keep up the act it’s too much work. Yeah it ruins my chances of getting laid that night, but I’d rather even be in a one month relationship, that is based on the truth, then a one night stand based on a lie. Now some guys are very fashionable, and what you see is what you get most of the time…. They are not trying to impress you; they are trying to impress themselves.
To quote what her exact words to me, when she described her date with Dan at that moment… “HE WHIPPED IT OUT”

Final effort, men know a date has gone horribly, we just ignore it. What women do not understand is that for every 100 females that get asked out 1 says yes… for an explanation of this please look at how many times you’ve actually been out on a date vs. how many times you have been asked out. For every 10 men that are asked out one says no. Barring a hump, one eye, and a prosthetic vagina, every woman can easily get “just sex” if they wanted it. Women for a second think about this to put it in perspective. How many times have you had sex with someone and regretted it, the next day. How many one-night stands have you had? How many times have you had “pity” sex? Let us take actual intercourse out of the equation…. In addition, add instead, sexual favors to all of these questions. Count them all up. Now multiply by 0, because there is how many times a man has turned any of those options down. “Dan”, while going over the top …. Gets points in my book for creativity, in the parking lot, and not only that, he must have been proud of what he is packing.

While I would like to give you my perspectives on dates I have been on, they are much rarer than the fairer sex is. It should be known that I have asked out thousands of women in my life, and either end up in the “You’re like my brother/best friend”, no, or in a long-term relationship. This is not the ranting of a player (playa?). I am middling attractive, lived an exciting life, funny and charming. I am not successful, but I am not so broke I cannot live… I am your average guy.

men think about sex every 7 seconds… I eat hot dogs in under 6 seconds so it doesn’t get weird..

Story by anonymous, retold by J.

(my friend asked me to post this story for her)

Ever go on a date that you wished would just end?…and then when it finally did it couldn’t have been more awkward…

So about a month ago a friend of mine was pushed into going on a date with this guy she knew by his mutual friends. The guy was named Dan, and he was not her type, her type is the tall, dark, and handsome guy with a few tattoos, haha, (actually that’s kinda my type too). Dan was the clean cut, awkward, loud, and kinda dull.

“Okay I’ll give it one date” she thought, (everyone gets one date is my rule)…

“I really wished I would have said no.” she told me.

Their date was just a simple dinner, nothing crazy, but to be honest my friend wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

“I really didn’t want to go, we had nothing in common”

“come on,” they said,”it just dinner, how bad can it be? think of it as a free meal”

Begrudgingly she went on her date and awkward was an understatement.

The restaurant he chose was nice enough, a nice Mexican restaurant. They were seated, ordered their drinks and then proceeded to go down the first date path. (For those of you who don’t know what I am referring to, the first date is always the same…where do you work? what do you do? what do you want to do? tell me about your family, what are your dreams? what do you do in your free time? etc…)

As I am told, my friend said it was like pulling teeth, the guy gave one word answers and spoke in a monotone voice that could have easily lulled the most stubborn infant to sleep.

 Finally, she said the food arrived. She ordered grilled Salmon, and he ordered fajitas. (NOTE: her biggest peeve is messy eaters)…This guy was wearing more food then he seemed to be getting into his mouth. 

“It was like watching a messy child eat, except he was an adult”, she told me “I just sat there and stared at this mess sitting across from me, and all I wanted to do was throw up.”

She said she was thinking about asking the waiter for a bib, for her date, but then she thought it wouldn’t make this date any better for her, just more awkward.

Not to mention he spoke with his mouth open while ingesting his food (>.<)

She said he attempted to make a few witty comments and bad jokes to which she poignantly smiled and forced a laugh or two.

After dinner was done and the food cleared away, she was ready to leave the mess and go home. when the waiter asked if they would be having desert, she said “No thank you, just the check please”, faster then the waiter could finish the rest of his sentence.

If I had to sit through another course with him I think I would have just gotten up and left rather  then wait for the date to be over”

She offered to pay for her dinner but Dan was insistent that he pay (free meal). After that it was time to go back to her car and leave. Dan said he wanted to walk her back to her car, “Hey, he might have been dull but at least he had manners”.

…At least he had manners until then…

As she was ready to say good bye and that she would get a hold of him and thanks for the dinner, Dan said he had a confession to tell her.

Dan: I had a really great time tonight, and I really feel like I need to tell you that I am really attracted to you, and I know you feel the same way about me.

Jessica: Umm thank you for the compliment, but I don’t feel the same way about you. You are really not my type, and we don’t have that much in common.

Dan: Oh, I bet I can change your mind on that one.

Jessica: Yeah, no, you really can’t. I’m not attracted to you.

Dan: Kiss me.

Jessica: what?!…No!

Dan: Just one kiss thats all you will need to change your mind.

Jessica: No!…I’m going home now. Have a good life.

Dan: Then at least let me show you what you are missing…

Jessica: NO! I DON”T CARE!

And it was at the moment that her date went from awkward and boring to

“WHAT THE HELL?! OH GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” She explained in shock and disgust.

To quote what her exact words to me, when she described her date with Dan at that moment… “HE WHIPPED IT OUT”

…. Yeah…. that’s what I thought too.

The following is the greatest sentence I have ever heard in my life.

I was in shock for a second, and then all I could do was start to laugh my ass off. I wasn’t missing anything at all. It was the smallest thing I had ever seen, and I was standing there laughing my head off.

I asked her what Dan’s response was to her reaction, and he said he looked confused, and then zipped it back up, and walked away. Se stood there by her car thinking if what had just occurred was a delusion or not, but she knew it was real, and that it really just happened.

Needless to say, it was a good six months before she would go on another date with another guy.